Dearly Ontot.,Farewell.,Long GoodByes..

March 24 2008, Monday... I got to the office early today, at 8:15AM.. After get things done, from login to Workmate to settle 'Si Kenit' in its secret place and make my own coffe.
Suddenly I remember about my darling Ontot. The weird feeling came inside me, never have this kind of feeling., felt so missing about Ontot ever since last Saturday. "weird feeling"..
Well thinking about Ontot and it is my unofficial routine to feed the cats around this office, especially Ontot. and I could say all these cats are belong to this place and no such as stray cats for them. For how many generation of them has resided here including Ontot. There is a special story about Ontot, will let you know bout it later. So this morning I went down in intention to feed Ontot and others. But only Syibu Kelabu was there. Where are others? Where is Ontot? But never mind Syibu Kelabu (I said),just eat your breakfast, I want to go find Ontot. This is much bizzare when she can't smell of me from far like she usually does, and she is always the first to wait for me for food or anything.

Tired of calling Ontot and looking around for her, I let Syibu Kelabu finish her breakfast and I wanted to go upstairs to my office. That is when my heart stopped for seconds when the security guard telling me Ontot found dead upstairs, in front of the door of my office where she used to wait for me or peep on me. She could see me and steal a look through the glass door if I go in and out of my room.
Ohh., I just devastatingly couldn't say of anything when hear this bitter sad., sad news about my dear Ontot. Obviously people know how close I am with all these cats particularly with Ontot. People knows how smart and friendly Ontot was to everyone who passes her by, and everyone in the office knows how close Ontot and me like we belong to each other.

I look after her since she was small, when I found her so scrawny, half dead and so weak laying at the edge of the stairs in my office, just an inch of her body to fall down off the stairs.. Too pity to look at her like that, I took her and my first feed her was a slice of Gardenia Peach and Raisin loaf, and that was when I started being her parent... since then..
But today is like disaster to know Ontot is dead and gone FOREVER and I will never see her again!! :{ I just can hardly to believe it... Arrghhhh.. SADNESS..SADNESS....SADNESS...

I don't know how am I going to handle it, coming to the office and see Ontot is not here anymore, facing the fact that I can't intermingle with her again..That is the hardest part right now for me to take... Ouuuhhh!!
Last Friday, actually was the last time and the longest goodbye me and Ontot.. Last Friday when I went down to feed her and others, it was sad to see her distortedly losing balance walking towards me., and just I found her one back leg is swollen..

She even didn't allow me to touch her leg and made me worry to think what had happened to her? My collegue said it is normal if one cat tergeliat or something and they will heal naturally.. it made me wonder actually... would it be healed by itself?
And you know what., I was thinking to bring her to the VET after office but what happened after office that Friday?
It was pouring rain, heavy raining and 'Si Kenit' buat hal., cried out loud and couldn't stay put inside his box., that is one thing., and the other was, my fiance already planned out to go to the fishing pond to fish prawns and lobster.. And when it comes about pancing udang, usually there is no compromise, so I definitely know he will never tolerate with me if it comes about pancing udang or we will be talking in silence for few days... So... I just had to forget about bring Ontot to the Vet.. (and now I feel so guilty to myself for that)... forgive me Ontot.... :(

And I just realized how mengada-ngada she was with me., asking me to bring her inside my room, and I did a few time, after office hour if I stayed back and when everyone has gone back. Definitely it would be hard to erase the memory with her...and will definitely forever with me...
Adduuhhhhh.... how can this happen to me??.. Losing ones we love is not an easy to tolerate with..
Just hope I could meet her in any form of meeting, even if it could be only in my mind's eye because right now I am dreadfully missing Ontot...

UnManaged Manager

As the title giving a meaning of relation to workplace which transmit all elements from Human Resource, Management, Workplace Communication, and most importantly a Leadership Skill...that includes everything, most of everything..

Coming to the point of me and my other collegues being infuriated by our Project Manager (actually 2nd Boss) who is obviously lack of management skill, won't be considered as a respectful leader to lead a major/huge project but yet tend to be the most powerful leader who think can rule the world of her own. For us that 'her' is just a piece of her own bullshit! (sorry for that dunk word).

I am a very passionate employee which seriousness and well manage work flow is the key and an imperative element to look forward as to achive of course to deliver a good quality product. Most importantly my own good satisfaction towards my own work, that really a matter to me. Never count of the workload, but how the workflow is proficiently going to lead us to achive to some sort of professionalisme in work quality..
Not in a mood to say more about this kelam kabut Project Management, in a time I am mourning of Ontot loses., more of feeling sad than anger...